Day out with the girls at Henderson's wave. Pretty pictures, nice food and most of all, great company. Just feel so comfortable with them!
Now that the A's is officially over, I feel that I'm back to living a proper humane life now! It has been 2 years of repeating the cycle- study,eat,sleep. But now me and Zhiying are going to all sorts of places to take pictures and that's really cool okay! More than just shopping malls or majestic buildings like sky scrapers or flyer, but back to the start- kampongs, Chinatown etc. And we were saying how we can be the ambassadors for NEA and also the very cool project we're embarking for the next 2 weeks! *Wink wink* WUAHAHAHA!
Life's eggcitingg and CHRISTMAS'S COMINGGGG!!!
I'm totally in love with the carefree life I'm having right now!
More pictures on Kampong Lorong Buangkok and Chinatown up soon!(:

7TH SINGAPORE AIDS CONFERENCE

I had the chance to attend the 7th Aids conference on 4th Dec together with 14 others from First Hand. My very first HIV/Aids related conference and it has definitely live up to its words. The 6 symposium in total- (Epidemiology,Clinical, MSM and HIV, Prevention, HIV and human rights,and lastly community engagement) was indeed very informative,encouraging and reaffirming. (:

The sessions on Human rights regardless of HIV status,legal issues such as the S'pore infectious disease act, HIV related stigmas and most of all the sharing from the 2 brave souls who are HIV positive, these really left an imprint in my heart. If you ask me more,I'll probably tell you more about it!

One of the highlights was the sharing from First Hand by Pst Jeremy and Herman in our involvement in the community in reaching out to these HIV/AIDS patients. So many will ask,what exactly do we do in FH? Basically,we conduct weekly visitations to the Patient Care Centre(PPC) located within the grounds of Communicable Disease Centre under TTSH to render befriending services, providing nutrition (satisfying patient's craves as well,haha), performing touch therapy (leg massage) and rendering emotional support to the patients who contracted HIV/Aids.We also do memorial service on an annual basis as well held in remembrance of patients who have passed on. [http://www.chcsa.org.sg/terminally_ill.htm] By the way,we're open to new volunteers,even if you're not from CHC! If interested,feel free to contact me!

Having served in FH for the past 9 months,I can firmly say that this is definitely not for the faint hearted. There were periods when i really struggle getting over with patient's deaths or rapidly falling CP4 levels. It's normal to have patients telling you their preferred form of funeral ritual, their regrets and their yearning for forgiveness and acceptance from their loved ones. Sometimes i would wonder if this is too much for a 19 year old girl to take and i do have doubts in myself whether I'm up to the task of providing comfort to these patients or am i adding burden to them. Yet I've came to realize what they need is actually very simple - Acceptance. Simple acts such as holding their hands,giving them massage,or just by seating there and give them a listening ear,all these would be enough to give them the assurance that they're not in this fight alone.

Cliche as it may sound, but I've truly gained more than I've given. I've learnt to treasure life even more and not to be so hard on myself in spite of all the bad things that may be happening. The patients taught me the essence of tenacity through the reflection of their fighting spirit against the virus. They taught me how to love and to have a big heart to accept people who are different or may have done wrong at some point of their lives,regardless of their status. And indeed, my satisfaction comes from these patients and not from the credits or recognition I've received form serving. A smile across their wasted face when i brought in KFC chickens or Koi and the "Thank you" after every visitations,these really melt my heart and kept me going.

On the other note, what I've seen or done is only a tiny facet of the ice berg. The true heroes are those who've been in FH for the past 7,8,9 years. I've heard stories of people who came in excited and committed but still fall away after1,2 years. The passion is gone,can be quite draining especially if you've to face people who are terminally ill week after week. It's not how much love you have in the beginning,it is how much love you have till the end. I really don't know if I'll be 'fit enough' to continue this which I've started but I do hope that I can stay for good,that the compassion and love that i have for these patients will not die down but instead never seize growing,till the very end.

We cannot all do great things, but we can all do small things with great love. It's easy to look at people and make quick judgments about them (especially people who're HIV positive). But many times, what we see is only what the person shows to the world.We can never fully comprehend the pains and tears this person may hide. Take away all the stigmas,stereotypes and discriminations,show them more love,and we can all do our small part to give them the courage to carry on.

As long as we still have breathe, we have BOUNDLESS hope!

KUDOS to all the FIGHTERS out there,let's KEEP ON KEEPING ON!((:

Your life is something opaque, not transparent, as long as you look at it in an ordinary human way. But if you hold it up against the light […] it shines and turns transparent, radiant and bright. And then you ask yourself in amazement: Is this really my own life i see before me?

- Albert Schweitzer

When I look back,I stand in amazement of the works He has done in my life. Many ups and downs this year,very challenging year in fact but I'm really thankful and grateful for everything,every single thing.

Change me,I don't wanna be the same, I don't wanna feel the weight of this world...

No one should change me from being a person who’s able to love. This,I need to keep reminding myself.

PS: This photo has been my phone's wallpaper for the longest time ever.

I'm pretty sure we'll make in through.

miracles happen when there is a shift in perception, and so I believe in the power of confession.

Got the following off from Tumblr and i agreed totally.(:

The Benefits of Voluntary Solitude

Doing things alone is awesome. You are in complete control and you get to let the moments take you wherever they please. There are no agendas or personalities to satisfy. No one to compare against. You’ll see people and the world in an entirely different light. Just pure exploring.

You get to slow down. See and appreciate the world around you. Think consciously about your life without constantly reacting to the thousands of monkeys thrown on your back each day.

You learn to appreciate your own company. Spending time alone allows us to get to know ourselves. To let it all hang out with no worry of others’ perceptions. Be your own best company and never be without a friend.

You do things you’d never do. When I’m alone I do so much more thinking, reading, writing, meditating, observing and exploring than I’d ever do around the hustle of society. Your priorities change. Life gets simpler.

I've always had the mindset that the more people I have around me, the more secure I'll feel but at the end of the day, how many of these many people will be there for you when you're going through your lowest valley. Experienced this just last week,To the extent where when i scrolled down the 200 over names in my phonebook and i found no one whom i can just call and just pour out my heart to without having to hide anything. It's just me,closed up. But moments of solitude has its medicinal value too and the best place to be is at ECP.

No trial lasts forever, Light at the end of the tunnel. Tenacity, keep on keeping on.

God has been really good and faithful,from my studies to my ministry,He's working in ways that I cannot see. Things happen and still are happening, but for the very least His assurance is strong, that His love never fails.

The greatest hit phrase of CHC now, The greatest of these is LOVE!!

Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstances. 1Cor 13:7

Me, Kristy and Zhiying on iMac photoapp!

I've not talk to Kristy Low for donkey years and I'm seriously missing her already, can you please come and talk to me please? TYVM!(:

Tracy Lek too, it feels as though something's missing without her calling me every night now. She must be really busy with camps. And I guess I've been taking things for granted, she has always been the one sowing while i'm always on the receiving end. Sorry dear!

And not forgetting Zhiying Sim, if not for her, my 3rd year in TPJC would be horrifying! Though she appears cold, she has a heart of gold really!

Relationships takes both way and i definitely cannot afford to lose these awesome friendships i have with my fav girls. I'm gonna make some pretty stuff for them after prelims which i saw on some of the DIY websites, they're really sweet ttm! And for now,just wanna say I love and treasure you'll really veryyyy much!!((: MUACKKSSS!C:

The 2 services with Pst Mike Connell this week was just amazing. Oh and i realised i was never prayed for personally by Pst Mike the past 6 years,yesterday was my first! And i must really say he's really sharp and his sensitivity towards God really amazed me.

Spirit of shame and contamination,phewww.

Now that I'm whole again, life would never be the same from today.

From this day on, He's in control and on His faithfulness I'll stand.

Thank you that though many times I've failed yet you still forgive and continues to love me the way i am. If not for your love, i wouldn't had the strength to hang on till this day. Thank you for your faithfulness and unconditional love.ILY!

To me, this does not and never will make sense to me, as much as i love stars.

He's my alpha and omega.(:

A lizard the length of my palm just invaded my room and I don't know if i should just kill him with the pesticide since he reminds me of Wilber!

PS: Mr Lizard, please get out of my room now and I'll spare your life for the sake of Wil. TYVM!

Off to beat the MYE monster! Gosh hate this totally!!!

Seriously I'm really struggling, this is going to be the first major exam that I'm taking ever since the A's and I really need to do well to boost my confidence that's at its lowest pit now.

On a happier note, am eggcited for the post MY celebration with the S12 girls, they're super happening and enthusiastic over celebrations according to Zhiying and I'm a totally celebrative person as well! BBQ bacon and Sakae! Wooohooo!

* Drooling, wiping mouth!*

No matter what I know I'll be fine,He will see me through.

THE BIG WORD: INTEGRITY

"We are called to hold to integrity in private, regardless of whether the end result is high success or deep failure. Our calling is to do right because we fear God. This is awe of God, this is love for Him, this jealousy for the honor of His name, and this high respect for His character will cause us to do the right thing for no other motive than our wish to please the Father and remain true to our commitment to Him." Phil Pringle

"There are things in life you put off, because you think you’re gonna do them later. But the real thing is you gotta live like there may not be a later."

There'll never come a 'best' time,either now or you might just miss the season.

One thing I've learnt from the patients in First Hand -- live life to the fullest for you do not know whether today will be the last day you're breathing.

Be contented, many are struggling to breathe just for another day. If they can smile IN SPITE OF having to face death everyday,what's more us who are alive and kicking? Happiness is a choice and I'm learning to make that always my choice IN SPITE OF all the circumstances that comes my way!(:

I'm so gonna get a Polaroid after the mid years so that i can do this!!

And when comes to photography, who else can i turn to my Zhiying Sim! (And maybe Yiqi!) ((:

Study session with the S12 girls tomorrow at the airport and i pray that tomorrow will be the start of productive and efficient studying! I'm progressing at a rate that even the snail would turn back and laugh at me! ARRGGG!

“It’s easy to look at people and make quick judgments about them, their present and their past, but you’d be amazed at the pain and tears a single smile hides.
What a person shows to the world is only one tiny facet of the iceberg hidden from sight.

And more often then not, it’s lined with cracks and scars that go all the way to the foundation of their soul.” — Sherrilyn Kenyon

To love always,you never know what the person has gone through or is going through.

I enjoy being with people who love me enough that i don't have to care to impress,when i can just be real and simply myself. Wants to be the kind of person that i enjoy being with.

Thank you daddy God for I love because You first love me.

My life never truly begin until i first joined CHC. It was in this church where I experienced genuine love, forgiveness and acceptance. My life took a turn when I stepped into CHC and till today, I know I'm living in my best time because of my church and of course because of Jesus.

Without great trials, there can never be great victories and breakthroughs.Through these 7 years,I've seen the church going through all the shaking ,and each time we come out of it even stronger. We have all seen the sacrifices of the leadership especially pastor Kong and Sun in the building of this church and they have never once disappointed us, me at least. It was them who showed me my purpose and destiny in God and allowed me to live them out. Through them, I've learnt how to trust in Him during the worst of times and dream dreams bigger than myself.

"If you don't stand for something. you'll fall for anything."

In the midst of all the shaking,that which is true it shall surely prevail.I have full faith in my leadership and I'm standing firm with them. I love CHC and I'm always proud to be called a City Harvester!

I believe the word 'studying' was derived from the words 'students dying'.

Someone then said, "How about Studied?

Read this off Nicole's blog which i found it really funny! HAHAHA! Guess many of us would agree to it especially when we're nearing the battlefield with the big A monster!

I seriously need a place like this to study.

Oh and my next favorite study spot would be the national library again because there's gonna be a new KOI outlet just opposite NLB!! Can you feel the happiness in my heart, Koi and studying goes perfectly together! HAHA! And i pray that they'll transfer Wilber's clone from the Chinatown outlet to the one at bugis and i promise I'll patronize them as often as i can! In case some of you are wondering who's wilber's clone, according to my colleagues,there's this guy from the chinatown outlet who looks 99% like my Wilber! GOSH!! HAHAHA!

“Many voices ask for our attention. There is a voice that says, “Prove that you are a good person.” Another voice says, “You’d better be ashamed of yourself.” There also is a voice that says, “Nobody really cares about you,” and one that says, “Be sure to become successful, popular, and powerful.” But underneath all these often very noisy voices is a still, small voice that says, “You are my Beloved, my favor rests on you.” That’s the voice we need most of all to hear. To hear that voice, however, requires special effort; it requires solitude, silence, and a strong determination to listen.

— Henri Nouwen

That’s what prayer is. It is listening to the voice that calls us “my Beloved.”

And that's the very reason why i enjoy praying and coming into the presence of God each day, to encounter Him and experiencing Him for myself daily. His assurance is indeed all that i need to keep me going on in this crazy world.

Chloe: Grandpa, am I pretty?

Grandpa: You're the most beautiful girl in the world!

What to say, scenes like this just make me tear uncontrollably! Power of affirmation!(:

PS: Thank you Lord for even when all things fail, You're still there. When I don't see your hands moving, I'll trust in your heart.

I've wouldn't have known, wouldn't have such foresight and the truth is, I didn't made it. And if for this I've to stand your despise, sorry I'm moving on without you. Tired of you doing the insensitive things again and again. Tired of you trying to pull me down and reduce me to nothing with your words. Tired of you trying to have full control of me yet do not show a single bit of concern. Tired of you putting on a plastic face before others. Tired of me trying to sound convincing enough, that I'm fine when I'm actually not.Tired of trying to seek your approvals and recognitions. Tired of having to put on a front. Tired trying to push past the pain.

I'm tired really, can't you see it?

The fact is, I'm living for myself and His purpose, not for you alone. Get this clear.

To think that all these are just the beginning saddens me totally.

Can I still be beautiful? Tenacity; strength to move on.

Though I may be walking on this lonely path, I won’t have to keep turning back. Because there You will be - You have my back.

These kairos moments are indeed the moments that I'll hold dear to my heart forever. The assurance and love that i felt so strong when pastor laid his hands on me, the revelation of the Tabernacle i caught during the week of morning pm, indeed He has been so faithful and real to me!

This year has been exceptionally tough. Many issues that i thought it has long been forgotten re-surfaced and not to say the 9246437958408 battles i had with myself. I'm always failing,but He has always been faithful. The battles i face everyday, those that i would never bear to disclose to anyone, yet He understands every bit of it and will never fail to comfort me. So in spite of all the humiliation and insensitivity, I hold on to His love alone. There You are, always. The whole world can fail me, my family, my friends; all but You.

The next 6 months would be life transforming i believe. I'll never be the same again for sure. Takes a lot of trust and obedience but i know at the end of the day, it would be all worthwhile!

" Dear Lord, I am always Yours. Thank you for everything, without you, i would be reduced to nothing.I love you."